Creative Burnout and Overwhelm

When the initial inspiration runs out and struggling to find yourself as an artist

When I started writing again this year, I wanted to be serious, consistent, and successful. I wanted to work hard to gain an audience. I wanted to prove that I can write for people and make a difference in their lives.

But the hardest part of being an artist is that no matter how hard you try to reach towards the divine, you’re still human.

No matter how hard I try to take care of myself as an artist, I still feel overwhelmed. I still end up feeling “less than” or “not good enough”.

I also feel like whenever I’m not creating art, I am “underperforming” or “not doing enough.”

There’s this big pressure in this new world of AI to push out art as much as you can consistently. Not only that, but everything that you create should automatically be masterpieces to be relevant or competitive. But what sucks is that that is not how creativity works.

You can be as consistent as you want, but creativity still comes in waves. It is not linear.

One day you’ll write a full chapter; another day nothing but a couple of sentences. One day you’re ready to publish on your newsletter three days a week; another time you post only once every three weeks. Time goes by; you get sick, overwhelmed, tired, exhausted, and AI only gets better and better. It feels like other people are beating you to the ideas you had, and you will be seen as the “copycat,” not the original creative.

Even on your good days, you find that your writing is getting worse and worse.

(Of course I’m writing from personal experience…but you get the picture.)

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“Did I pick the right career?” I ask myself sometimes.

I’ve dreamed about being a writer for years, and I even got my degree in creative writing to pursue that dream. Yet why am I so scared and tired to the point that wanting to write brings tears to my eyes?

I end up wondering, “Did I pick the right dream?”

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Lately my brain has just been feeling so fogged. I can’t even think of championing human thought when I cannot get myself to think. My overwhelming exhaustion and emotions get in the way of that.

I feel ashamed that I make promises I can’t keep to myself, my readers, or to the people I talk to about my writing.

I feel like there’s a constant battle inside me. One battle between the thought of “falling behind” and the thought of “art takes time”.

The two wolves waging war inside me, waiting for me to feed them. I always find myself feeding both out of pity and fear.

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I’ve been falling behind on my writing for a couple of weeks now.

At first, I thought it was because I moved away from home to another state 1,500 miles away. But it’s something much deeper. I’ve just been feeling overwhelmed and burnt out.

Comparison crept into my life. I looked at how other authors and creatives were able to make content out of their ever-changing lives. I let my resentment get the best of me.

I believed that my best writing always came from anger, and sometimes it does. But your mind and body can only take so much negativity until it begins to absorb it and manifest it in more troubling symptoms.

It’s finally caught up to me: the sleepless nights, the wandering into rooms and being overcome with forgetfulness, uncried tears that all begin to come out in unexpected moments of the day, the discomfort with silence…

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I confess that I replaced God’s comfort with the comfort of fulfillment and doing a good job. I haven’t allowed myself to rest either in Him or in general because of the fear of being a failure.

I felt pressure to stay “on brand” and keep my promises in this newsletter. But I realized that I’m not a company; I’m just a person.

Just like the four seasons of winter, spring, summer, and fall, creatives also go through seasons of change. Some are warm and sunny, while others are cold and dry. There are hardships in each, but also overwhelming beauty.

I’m sorry I haven’t kept up with my promises. I have found myself beginning to write articles only to never finish them. So many emotions go through my brain that I get distracted. Now I feel like it’s only right to share them with you because maybe you’re going through all of this too.

I just pray that both you and I can find some rest. I pray that we may find rest in the Lord.

I’m letting Him lead me instead of leading myself. I pray I can find the courage to keep moving forward despite how foggy the journey ahead of me looks.

I hope that whatever you’re going through, you can find the beauty of it all, because remember: “This too shall pass.”

Thank you for following my journey and for your patience in all of it.

Sending you a hug,

-Cristina 💜💐

P.S. I am feeling better now compared to the moment I first wrote this piece. I had to take time to recover creatively, and I am better now! 😊

*All images were taken from Pinterest